How do I set boundaries without feeling like a terrible person?

Boundaries, Codependency, and People Pleasing

Do you say yes when you mean no, and then resent it afterward? 👀 You're not alone. I sit down with licensed psychotherapist Lacy Simmons, LCSW (aka The Boundary Therapist) and people-pleasing recovery educator Klara Kernig to unravel why setting boundaries feels so impossible, where codependency comes from, and how to actually start protecting your own needs without the crushing guilt that usually follows. This one hits close to home.

Today’s questions

• What factors contribute to the development of codependency and difficulties in setting boundaries? Are there early indicators, such as childhood experiences or attachment styles, that may lead someone down this path?

• Is indecisiveness a symptom of people pleasing? What about perfectionism?

• What is self-esteem? Where does self-esteem come from?

• Why do people pleasers want to give, but then experience resentment from giving “too much”? Is the desire to please genuine?

• How do individuals who have been entangled in codependent dynamics recognize and break free from these patterns? 

• What are the common behavior patterns that manifest in people struggling with codependency?

• What does it look like to work with a therapist on your boundaries?

• How and when do you compromise while staying true to your needs?

• How can you start setting boundaries? Is it worth saying no just to practice saying no?

• What if the people in your life don’t respond well to your boundaries?

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